I just want to be normal

This is not a good start for my blog, but i can't help it. 
I am bursting into tears, hate, pain and so much in there i can't even feel anymore. 
I feel so much pain and hate. 
I hate myself for feeling this way. 
I can't get back up.
I can't hold on any much longer now.
There is so much anger in here i want to kill someone.
I want to stab you so hard, you'll be buried in the ground.
I have no tears left to pour.
I hate you.
I never thought i would feel this way after all.
I want you to go away. 
I don't wanna see you.
I don't wanna hear you.
I feel so numb.
I can't feel anything right now, even the thick air.
I lose.

I’m thinking louder than usual, the world can’t contain me this yearning’s too much to defeat. I won’t stop, no, won’t stop until you save me from these turbulent tides inside myself, I’m drowning deep in my sorrows I keep on falling pull me back to stand on my own two feet and never leave me, just keep me company.