Today has been a fun fun fun day with one of my best friends ever! A lot of good laughs, new stories and some good old shit. lol so yeah, it seems like i'm happy. But not true happiness at all. I don't know if people sees it, i don't think so, cause I'm the type of person who just laughs at everything even if it breaks my heart evenly. Sometimes things are not funny at all.
I feel like I've been so useless with everything, i suck at friendship, interpersonal relationships, family and all the relationships you could think of. I feel like I am no good at anybody, I can't prove anything at all and i am no use to anyone. I've been so deeply unloved in so many ways. Nothing is left for me, no one has left for me.
Deactivating some of my social networking sites is not a solution i know that. But because, sometimes I think they consider me as a friend only on the internet world. But yeah, i still believe in what they call "true friends" but but but, only few of them are left. Lovers? Btw, what is love? it's such a short word with a rich, pure and strong meaning attached to it. Well anyway, I've got no lovers i think. I don't think that's the appropriate term for that but in a way, yes. Me? if you would ask me? Yes, i do believe in that but it's sad that only a few people meant it, believe in it, and utter it.
What I know makes me think I wanna quit and give up everything but I feel like I have to fight for it. It's hard to choose between what you think of and what you feel cause in the end it makes you stupid and regret that you made that choices. But hey, read it again, I'm fighting for it so please try to help me with this. Try to be something and help me conquer this world, were gonna rule it someday, i know it. I am not gonna throw in my towel, i'm gonna win this one.
We were nearly there
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