Pour a little more

It was late in the afternoon, i stood up from where i was sitting, woke up from the dream i was dreaming for the last few weeks, stood up from the ground, i took a glance at the sunset and i started walking to get a pack of black and green small boxes at the corner of the street.

I was trying to feel my heartbeat, my small warm breathes coming from my mouth and the small crystals forming at the edge of my eyes. I don't know what to do, i don't know what to feel, i don't even know what to write and i don't--
i just don't know are the only words i could spell in my mind. Sometimes i lost myself completely. Again, back to what i was saying..i sat on the bench, looked up and i was wondering if there could be a star out there that is shining so bright, brighter than you sitting at the corner of my dark and dull room. As i was trying to breathe in the mint and cold air from the folded roll of paper that is longer than two inches, my mind is poisoned by selfishness and small thoughts from you, these words are the only words that is screaming out from my mind, but why not from my heart?

I have found all the thousand pieces of the puzzle underneath my pillow, i have tried to put it all back together, but i suddenly asked myself with where is the color on this puzzle? Why did it all turned into a black and white picture? Why does it look like a blurry memory that was apart from me? Why can't i feel the distance and closeness of myself to everyone who is trying to exist around me? Why can't it all go away, and sail to the other side? Why am i sad? What is fear?
Why am i troubled with the feeling of emptiness that exist in me? Why did it all go wrong? Why does it have to be something i don't want to be? Why does everything have to be why? Why do you have to be like this? Why?

My warm cold feet marks down the floor as i walked into the kitchen, took a shot glass from the shelf, stole my mom's bottle of tequila, licked some salt on my hand, took the glass on the other hand, gulp and gulp, sipped the lime and wished that it would it all go away for a minute i was about to burn. 


Setting fire to our insides for fun, to distract our hearts from ever missing them.
But I'm forever missing him.